2025 Spartan
Cincinnati
Race Review
By OCR Kings Reporter At Large
David Best
She's a vicious, life sucking bitch from which there's no escape...
and we can thank are arch nemesis and Spartan tormentor, the
infamous Darth Vader AKA Tyler Andrew Spencer as he was
the race director for the 2025 Spartan Cincinnati event held the
weekend of June 7-8. He truly painted his masterpiece of pain
and anguish......and the canvas used was the Perfect North Slopes
Ski Resort in Lawrenceburg, Indiana. It was a 15.2 mile Beast
course (before penalty loops) and a soul sucking test of mental
and physical stamina. I participated in this race 2023 and vowed
never to return.....so what do I do, sign up for 2025 and I'm here
to tell you, that this years race made that one look like a walk in
the park!!! All four race types were offered and the only thing I'll
say about the Ultra is there was a 74% DNF percentage rate, so if
you ever meet an Ultra finisher for this race, do your best Wayne
and Garth “We're Not Worthy” imitation and pay homage to these
true Spartans. Now, if you dare, come with me to the dark side,
but beware, you may not come back!!!
Logistics & Venue
Information
I have a love-hate relationship with this venue, so lets start with
love. I love the proximity of the Cincinnati-Northern Kentucky
Airport to both the City of Lawrenceburg, Indiana and Perfect
North Slopes Ski Resort. In 35 minutes, you're in town or at the
venue from the airport. The ski resort is one of the nicer venue
sites on the schedule as we Spartans have full access to the resort
and amenities. The resort has multiple outdoor viewing areas that
are taken well advantage of. Part of the race course is run next to
the viewing areas, so spectators are able to enjoy watching us
suffer while drinking their beverage of choice. The Spartan
Members area is indoors as well as bag check and a large open
area for all in attendance. There are also a few dining options
the resort makes available as well as the normal vendors that
travel the circuit with Spartan.
Course Layout &
Obstacles
Now the bad....this is a TOUGH course!!!! And as we've seen at
other Spartan races this season, weather has played a part and
this race was no exception. This area has had its share of rain
which means mud. Combine wet and muddy conditions with
the severe undulation of the ski slopes, you have injuries from
racers losing their balance and hurting themselves and others....
in other words, gravity is a bitch!!! The course started out with a
muddy Armageddon into the corral, then onto the course where
you hit a nice knee deep mud bog to start the day off right, then 4
foot wall to the first creek crossing of the day. This is the first time
I've ever done a Spartan race where they had to have a guide rope
and a volunteer stationed at the creek to insure safety. With the
rain the venue has been receiving, the creek was at a 4 foot crest
and flowing hard, so hard that a young lady next to me in the
creek lost her balance and was being swept downstream, but have
no fear, Maximus Bestimus Delirious leapt into action and saved
her from impending doom. In hindsight, I'm sure that young lady
would have preferred the impending doom over finishing this
race. Then on to hay roll wall to over unders. Spartan used what
was on site and the over unders were just that, part Spartan and
part venue...large metal pipes. To 6 foot wall, then multi-rig and
to the second creek crossing just as the first, but we were given a
bonus of a rope climb out of the creek and up a muddy bank to
Atlas Carry, rope climb, bucket carry, spear throw, rolling mud &
dunk wall. That part of the course was relatively flat, but now the
hills begin and we hit Helix, Twister, Olympus, Beater, another
hill to Bender and then a snow climb....that's right.....SNOW in
June. I did stop for just a minute and play in it and it did feel
good!!! Up hill to 7 foot wall, Stairway To Sparta. Now downhill
and into the jungle for the Beast part of the race.....very few
obstacles and a lot of trail running to 8 foot wall. Darth Vader
placed the wall on an incline making that 8 foot wall more like a
10 foot wall ( The Ultra course actually had a 10 foot wall on their
course......good luck doing that) then up another hill to a home
grown Mini A Frame that was made of wood and pipe stuck out
in the middle of the woods. Then up and down multiple muddy
hills dodging downed trees as well as the occasional downed
racer to Irish Table. More muddy hills that seemed to go on
forever to Tyrolean Traverse. There was a water station near so I
stopped for a quick drink the the volunteer told us 3 miles to go...
man, was that a lie...more like 5 miles!!! Then to Armer, then an
uphill climb to a corded snow crawl which felt so good to roll
around in. On to hurdles, A-Frame Cargo and now begins the
ski slope part of this “Endurance Challenge” Down the hill, most
sliding on their ass as the hill was so beat up and muddy that
keeping your footing was close to impossible, back to the ski
resort area where inverted wall as well as Herc Hoist, Monkey
Bars and barbed wire crawl....and not a 50 yard crawl, not a 100
yard crawl, but a 200 yard crawl uphill with muddy deep holes,
all the while being bombarded by water ALL THE WAY up the
obstacle. It reminded me of a scene from the movie “1918”. Then
up the slope where many were crawling due to the poor footing to
the peak where a nice sandbag carry awaited taking us down and
up another hill to dump your bag, then downhill once again to the
bottom where Z Wall awaited. This was a high failure obstacle
due to it being at the bottom of the hill where all the water ran
from the barb wire crawl causing a muddy quagmire where
footing was almost impossible. One more hill as well as slip wall
and fire jump ended my day. I was never so happy to see a fire
jump in all my life.
Final Thoughts &
Recommendations
There are three race venues on the USA Spartan schedule that will
give you a true evaluation of where you are in Spartan...Big Bear,
Killington and Cincinnati. Where you rank them really depends
on what race director you get and how bad they want to torment
you. I spoke to Darth post race and told him not to take personally
what was being said about him because it wasn't that Spartan
talking....it was their weakness talking and I should know because
mine was talking more then once during this survival challenge.
Weather again effected the race as more rain Saturday night
caused those creek crossings to crest at over 6 feet and at that
point, it was deemed unsafe so the Sunday Super/Sprint had to be
rerouted to omit the first four obstacles....it looks like to me this
Spartan season is going to be dominated by weather. As far as
recommendations are concerned, sign up for the Beast only on
Saturday as I signed up for the Beast/Sprint in 2023 and found
out very quickly how sadistic and unforgiving this venue can be.
Only high end seasoned athletes should try to do both in one day.
I would also buy the insurance for the Sunday Super/Sprint events
as your body will be talking to you and telling you “NO” as it did
me after the Beast on Saturday. Spartan isn't just about brawn, its
also about brains and knowing when its better to withdrawal so
you can fight another day. So until my next report, this is your
OCR Kings Reporter at large, David Best, bringing you all the
BEST Spartan offers us!!!!!
